Tuesday, 2-3-98
Well it's barely the 3rd. It's like 1 AM or something
but oh well. Things have been going fairly well for me lately. Sunday night I went over to Jenny's house with Destiny and her. Cody, Dan, and Chris came over, and hung around for awhile. Then Chris and Destiny and Cody and I left. Chris took me home and then took Cody and Des back to their house (Chris' and Cody's) Then Chris showed up later at like 4 am or something, and stayed the night with me. The next morning, yesterday (kinda sorta like today since it's barely after midnight) Chris left for work around 11 am.. then came back over at 4 or so, and we went to the mall to the jewelers to get my ring and necklace fixed. Then we went to his mom's work and then to his Grandma's and hung out there for a bit. Later came back here and he spent a few hours with me and left to go home. That was just about an hour ago. I love him *so* much, we're getting along *so* great, Cody and Destiny are getting back together soon I think, and Destiny and I are speaking ;) The only bad thing is that Jenny and Josh are fighting and Jenny through Josh out I guess, but I know he'll be back as well. Still I feel bad for them. Kalob is doing great, he's teething so he's cranky, but he's so cute.. =) Oh yah, Dan was drunk and wrecked his truck into a cable wire closing a parking lot and broke his headlight and some other stuff on his new truck.. dumbass anyway. I think Rhi and I are gonna get together soon too. And me and Destiny and Jenny.
Thursday, 2-5-98
It's 3 AM now and I just woke up. I had a shitty day
yesterday. I dunno why, I just wasn't in a good mood at all. Plus I didn't get to see Chris cause I was super tired and went to sleep. And I really wanna see him. I talked to PdM on the phone the other night for *ever* and it was lots of fun. I went to see Jennifer the other night too, until like 2 am. We had fun just sitting around talking, catching up on all we've missed, discussing life and the world. It was cool. Anyway, I don't have much to say, so bye
Tuesday, 2-10-98
Well things are pretty shitty at the moment. I dunno
what to make out of anything anymore. Woi. Well Chris has been trying to convince me to marry him and move with him when he goes full time army. But anyhow, last night (yesterday actually) Joe Whitling rolled his truck, and he died :/ So that really sucks. Jennifer is really upset. I'm just kinda numb. I guess 3 girls got into a car wreck as well, later on, and are in the hospital, but I don't know who. Today has just not been good (I found out about Joe this morning) Anyway..
Saturday, 2-21-98
Woah I gotta keep remembering to write in here.. Sorry :( Anyway, things are going pretty good. Chris and Bill just left.. I've been playing mechanic.. ;) *Grins* it's been fun. They were here today and yesterday.. of course I haven't gotten to do all that much by myself, but I have fun being out there with them at least. Other than that, it's getting warmer out and I've been out and about a lot more lately. It's been neat =) Life has been kind of rough with Joe and everything, but I'm accepting it. I didn't make it to the funeral.. which sucks :( I really wanted to go, but I didn't make it. Shawna told me about it though, and said it was pretty cool. Anyway, everyone's going back to the their normal lives now, already, and moving on.. which I guess is a good thing. I still haven't found out who the three girls were that got into a wreck the same night, I guess they went to Capital.. *Shrug* If I had known them I probably would have heard by now so oh well. I've been out helping my mom work in the back yard too, stacking wood and a whole lot of other stuff.. It's been neat.
Monday, 2-23-98
Well it's barely the 23rd, it's like 3 am. I don't know why I'm still up, or why I'm writing in italics (sp) I just felt like it. So anyway, here I am at 3 am, writing in my online diary, and talking on IRC in
#Twilight_Zone a bit. Other than that I'm extremely bored. My brother is sitting here on his computer as well, and Shawn and Julie are in Shawn's room sleeping, and Mom's asleep as well. Yesterday was alright, kind of slow. I slept until noon, and then I got up and didn't do much else all day. Mom and I walked to the cigarette store and K-Mart.. On the way home it started snowing. Damnit! =) The weather is supposed to be getting warmer, so today it started snowing.. *Shakes head*. So we kind of had a cold walk home. At any rate, we survived just fine. I got a basket for Lacy (my cat, who just loves sleeping in baskets and boxes and such) since she's about to outgrow the old one she had. We also got some other stuff.. Ric was supposed to work on his car, but I don't think he got much done. He wanted Mom to help him, but the weather was cold. Plus, Mom got really mad at Shawn about the garage being a mess and started yelling at all of us for 'taking advantage of her'. I don't mean to take advantage of her, I appreciate all the things she has done for me, and I realize how hard she has tried to make things work for us. I know it hasn't been easy and I realize she is an awfully strong person for making it this far. I just hope that someday I can be as strong as her. Lets see, other than that, Chris stopped by before he went to Butte. He had to go to Butte to take a test for the military. He'll be home today. So it was just an overnight trip. He was originally supposed to go down Friday, but that got changed.. so he didn't
have to stay the weekend. He only stopped by for a few minutes today, and I discussed with him that I felt like I was the one who did most of the trying, I was the one who spent time worrying about our future, our problems, and trying to figure out how to make the best of things. I told him that it seems like it just doesn't matter to him sometimes, and simply tried to explain how I felt.
It was a good conversation, he totally understood, told me he was sorry and that he does care, and he will try harder to show me how much he cares. That means a lot to me. Also we 're supposed to do something today when he gets home, which rocks. I don't know what the future holds for us, and I haven't figured out what I want to do exactly, but I have a fairly good idea. I just hope I don't make the wrong choices.
Other than that, Chris Baker called yesterday around 6 PM. He wanted to know if I felt up to doing anything. I told him I wasn't sure and probably not but he kept asking. Finally I gave in and he said he wanted me to come over and watch Pulp Fiction with him. But then it turned out that his mom wouldn't let me come over 'cause she was mad about something or other, so I never went. I took Shadow for a walk last night and that's about all. And here I sit, bored out of my mind. I wish Chris was home tonight, I could use him to cuddle up to. That or I wish Jon was online so I could talk to him, but I know he's in bed. I should probably get there soon myself. I really don't know why I'm still up, or why I'm writing so much. Normally my entries are very limited and I don't write nearly as much anymore as I used to. Hell, I don't even know if anyone reads these... Okay, enough rambling. I have a headache, and a stomach ache, and my brother's playing mp3's and playing SubSpace, and I'm going to go insane. Besides, I think Lacy is ready for bed. So it's time for sleep.. and besides, the sooner I go to sleep, the sooner I'll
get to see Chris.. =) I love you Chris.
Thursday, 2-26-98
Well life is weird. Chris and I kind of got into a fight last night.. He was drunk, the whole thing was stupid... I don't know what's going on now. Other than that life has been okay, I've had lots on my mind, just kind of sticking to myself. Nothing too major. But a lot of things are confusing in my life at this point, and I have so much to decide and sort out, in so little time... But nothing can be done about that, no extra time can be granted, I have to just deal with the time I have. So what to do? (I know that most of you have no clue what I'm talking about, but I can't exactly put it here just yet) Oh well. Mom said she talked to Lynn yesterday, I'm supposed to call her. Mom also gave Lynn my URL I guess.. Wonder what she'll think of my webpage. I hope she doesn't mind my confusing thoughts ;) I should see her again soon. She rocks =) I love Lynn to death :) Even though she's a therapist ;) *grins* 'Sides, she owes me lunch or breakfast or something.. :)
I wish Chris' family would stop hating me. I know that they can read this, if they want, and that they even know the URL, but hell. If they have any problems with me discussing them on here, it doesn't matter, because these are my faults. At any rate, I'm still not sure what I have done wrong. Chris' grandmother and Mom hate me so much.. It sucks. Especially that Penny hates me. We used to be fairly close. *sigh* Nothing I can do about that either. It just sucks, that's all. Enough of this rambling :p
Friday, 2-27-98
Well it's early, much to early to be awake.. or should I say, way too late to still be up.. It's about 4 am.. And I haven't slept yet.. So it is now barely the 27th. Oh well. Chris called a couple of hours ago.. We had a long and important talk, and I'd say things went fairly
well. I told him how I feel, he told me how he feels.. we discussed things, and our fears, and our hopes for the future.. It was a good talk. I wish it had been in person, rather than over the telephone, but nonetheless.. it was a good conversation. We also talked about his family, and there reasoning for dislike
me, and what they think of Chris' and mine relationship. I have to say the things I heard were rude.. and they didn't make me feel all that great. It hurts to have anyone think that lowly of me, much less someone that I care for very much, such as his mother. Although I'm learning that the situation with his family is not going to change, so I'm going to have to deal with it.
Unfortunately, it's Chris that it'll hurt the most. He needs to make his own choices, his out decisions, run his own life.. without his family interfering, trying to make him choose between important things in his life. Maybe that's being more dramatic than it is, but I know that his family tries to get him to turn away from me. They shouldn't do that.. I know it hurts Chris, it's easy to see it.. I wish I could do something to make his family not hate me, if not for his sake.. It must be a terrible situation to be with someone and have your
family hate them to the extremes that his family hates me. Sometimes I wonder if I am the horrible person they seem to think I am... Could I be that terrible? That horrible? Am I that worthy of all those hating people? *Sigh* Only time will tell.. I love Chris though, and even considering the argument we shared the other night, I believe that the talk we just had will improve things, and give us a greater understanding of things. Anyhow.. enough dumb rambling for now, I need some sleep.
Saturday, 2-28-98
Well once again it's like... 1:30 am, so barely the 28th. Last day of the month, which means i have to make a whole new page for this again.. *grumbles* It's kind of a pain, but I don't want to just delete all my previous entries, so oh well. I wonder how many more months I can do before my brother starts bitching ;) *grins* For using up too much space. Anyway, things are ok. Chris is out of town with his family, in Big Timber for the weekend I guess. It's going to suck not getting to see him, but it's just a weekend so I'm sure I can survive.. I should hope so anyway ;) I need to get some sleep soon :) I've been doing lots of thought on my 'big decision' that you people still don't know what I'm talking about, but oh well. I talked to Christal on IRC about it tonight, and it was a good talk =) Christal rocks =) But anyhow, Jon called me and I talked to him for a bit.. which was neat.. Other than that i didn't do much of anything exciting.. I've been super sleepy lately, sleeping more often than not. I don't know why. Ugh, it's hot in here. OH well.. I'm just kind of rambling, so enough of this.
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