Friday, September 3, 1999
Welp, I finally got around to making a new diary page. Bleh, I hate that!@ Anyways, what have I been up to? Hrm.. Wednesday I went to both of my classes, which was alright I guess. I walked to school and went to my comp class, which was how it's usually. Boring, since I know most of that stuff. Then I went outside and talked to this girl Sunny that I knew from middle school and some guy she was talking to. We were discussing computers, IRC, and hacking. And then this other guy came up and started talking to us. I don't know who he is :/ I Should. But I don't. He said he remembered me from choir, which I do vaguelly remember him, his face anyway. And then he said he called me once, and that I had a boyfriend, and that I told him I was washing my hair or something. *Laughs* I don't know, I don't really remember. So then we all went into Soc class.. I sat by this guy that was in my English class, Bart, and by that other guy who said he called me. And Sunny sat in front of us. IT was hilarious. We were sorta goofing off like it was high school again, which is bad. But it was interesting. My teacher is just interesting that's all. And the class too. Oh well. And then that guy who called me gave me a ride home. So lets see. Then yesterday, I called Danielle at the last minute and she managed to come pick me and Carrie up for Carrie's doctors appointment. We were a little late but that's okay because we didn't get to see Dr. Howell for an hour. I was starting to worry. I finally called Shawna to tell her I was cancelling on her but missed her as she was already on her way to my house, which sucked. So then Dr. Howell checked out Carrie.. She weighs 15 1/2 lbs now and is 25 inches long or so. Nothing major. They gave her 3 shots and took blood from her finger. She screamed. So then Danielle ran me directly by the school, I didn't have time to go get my books, and I ran into class. Which was pretty boring, as it's comp class. Yadayada. :) So then Danielle came and picked me up and we went by McDonalds and then I came home with Carrie. Was an alright day. I haven't slept yet, I must clean. But I wanted to take a moment to write in here. Jason says hi! Anyways, gotta go :) Bye!@
Sunday, September 5, 1999
Mom came home on Friday, and I hadn't gotten the house clean in time. Oops. So that sucks. Saturday morning I went over to my place while Mom watched Carrie and did some more cleaning over there, then went to Kmart to get diapers, formula, baby wipes, and a prescription for Carrie (flouride vitamins). I go to fill the prescription, the guy tells me I have to pay for it there and cannot take it to the front of the store.. and that I can finish my shopping and come back. So I do. And I wait in line there for 5 minutes.. and then he says "Be right back" Disappears for 5 minutes. Then proceeds to tell me that someone accidently took my prescription and he doesn't have any more in and won't until Tuesday. Bleh :P Hehehe. Oh well. Such is life. Then I got to carry everything home, which was heavy :P I lived! :) Then Mom and I were both being pretty lazy. I worked on some homework for awhile, etc. Mom went to sleep. Nothing much of interest. I went to sleep. Got up today, and haven't done much either. I feel so lazy, and so tired. I'm always tired. I dunno why. Mom finally started mowing the grass. So I guess she's aquiring a little more energy. Who knows.
We've been giving Carrie cereal lately, which is an interesting experience. Mom is much better at giving it to her than I am obviously. She's had way more practice. It usually ends up all over Carrie and she always tries to grab the spoon to hurry the process along, which really just succeeds in making a mess. But it's cute. :) I don't know what kind of food I'm going ot start her on next. A fruit or vegetable. I dunno which ones though. Anyways, not much else to write, and I gotta go make a bottle for Carrie, so bye!
Wednesday, September 8, 1999 - 4:13 PM
Welp, I'm just sitting here in my comp class. We're discussing software today. Since I know almost all of this stuff, I'm allowed to play games, etc. So, I figured I'd write a diary entry. :) She's discussing programming languages. Anyways, all is going okay I guess. Today has been a pretty stressful day already. So that sucks. I don't really feel like elaborating at the moment though... Oh well. Mom's watching Carrie for me right now. She's planning on hanging up pictures on my walls for me too. And to redo my canisters :P And I dunno what else she's doing.. putting more lining on my shelves I think. :P She's much too nice, and I'm thankful to her for all of her help, but at the same time she doesn't need to do this. She says she wants to, but I feel like she thinks she has to.. :/ So it makes me feel bad. Especially when she's doing stuff that's *supposed* to be something I do. Oh well. The guy came and fixed my stove today, Montana Power's gonna come fix my furnace tomorrow I think. Good, cause it's been awfully cold there lately :p especially at night. :) Anyways, enough rambling for right now :) Bye!
Friday, September 10, 1999 - 8:29 PM
All is going well. Got my driving permit again today, bleh. I've got to get my license! Anyways, the stove guy came back today my stove is working now, and they came to fix the furnace and that's working, so that's good. Went to Mom's work for a bit today, didn't do all that much of interest. Right now I just ran over to my mom's to get my mail and stuff and she's at my place with Carrie. So I have to hurry up. Just wanted to write something real quick since I don't get too many chances to update these days. Sucks. But oh well. Mom and I might go to some yard sales/garage sales/moving sales tomorrow. Should be interesting. Depends on whether or not I can get up that early. And she found a kitchen table small enough for me!@ And a couple of end tables to replace the broken ones I have, and a book shelf. So that's cool. Yesterday she hung up some pictures and stuff for me. The one I got for Carrie's room, the ones Jason sent me (Thanks!) and some other stuff. It's pretty cool. She was over for dinner tonight, just frozen pizzas, but oh well. MY OVEN WORKS!@ *laugh* I'm so happy :) Okies, welp better get back over there :) Bye!
Sunday, September 12, 1999 - 10:20 PM
All is going well. I'm sitting at my place, and it's getting pretty late. I need to get to sleep soon. I have both classes tomorrow which sucks but I'll survive! :) Maybe I'll learn something.. *laugh*. Anyways, I never did go to yard sales yesterday. I was not mobile in the morning. Go figure. Actually I didn't do anything yesterday but sit around, talk on the phone, and play with Carrie. She's been really fussy lately due to teething, so she's been keeping me up a lot lately and what not. I finally got her to sleep for awhile yesterday and I guess I fell asleep in the chair Chris gave me. I woke up awhile later, and Mom told me Shawn had come to visit Carrie and I, and when I didn't answer the door, he walked in and saw me sleeping in the chair, so he left. *laugh* I woke up like I said and then Carrie woke up and was cranky again, so I was up for quite awhile. So far tonight she's sleeping though. Mom came over this morning and then Al and his wife (I guess?) came over to drop off the kitchen table, chairs, bookshelf, and end table. So that rocks. I have a table! And one small enough to fit@! :) Hehe, anyways, after that, we ordered a pizza (later) and did random things around here that need to be done. She started painting the book shelf to go in Carrie's room and fixing the thing she's going to make for me to hang
kitchen utensils on, etc. We filled out paperwork I need to fill out and random other things. Mom brought all of mine and Carrie's laundry too, which was a lot. Carrie's closet is no longer big enough. Even with the
extra lower bar we got. Doh. She has entirely too many clothes and I know it's my fault because I see all of these adorable clothes and I cannot resist. Plus Mom took two baskets home with her of dirty stuff. Eek.
Anyways, enough rambling, I gotta get going. Bye!
Friday, September 17, 1999 - 9:56 PM
I haven't been able to update my page much in awhile. I've been hardly at Mom's house at all. Which sucks because I like to keep this page updated, but I've been busy. Last week (this week) has been alright, though confusing. Everything with the Helena Housing has gone downhill so now I'm going to skip it. Which means I'm going to be a lot more worse off on money, but it's saving everyone huge headaches. Oh well. I've been dealing with lots of paperwork and trying to straighten out all the messes with everything that have been created due to this housing deal. Life is so complicated. I dunno what's with me lately, I've just been so unhappy. Don't get me wrong, Carrie's my life and I love her so much and she makes me happy and makes me smile. But that's just about it. Everything else is just "blah". School's going alright, though I'm not sure my computer teacher is very happy with me. I disagree with stuff she says at times, and make my opinions known, and well, I think she might be getting annoyed with me. I dunno, it's hard to say. In soc, we got our assignment.. We have to write a paper on a group.. I'm writing mine on Harmonites.. Ever heard of them? Didn't think so.
Today I turned in all of my paper work I've been working on.. Welfare, Child Support, Financial Aid, etc. So that's done and over with until they send me more forms.. Yay. Mom and I went to Good Samaritan (sp) after, which is this thrift store. We were looking around and I found Strawberry Shortcake stuff!@ I was happy and amazed. And I of course, got it. I have a toaster cover *Laugh*, and a baby quilt, and a nightgown size T2. The nightgown isn't actually Strawberry Shortcake, it's Blueberry Muffin, which is another Strawberry Shortcake character. But I'm still thrilled. :) I'm gonna have to check out those stores more often!! :)
After that, Mom, Carrie and I went to get something to eat, and then we went driving. It was alright. I drove down some road to some school and then turned around a few times in the parking lot, and hten I drove down this dirt road, and then Mom let me drive on the Interestate. For about 8 miles :P I can't believe I'm learning to drive at my age, but oh well. I'm starting to get the hang of the clutch a *little* better though, I think. Who knows.
Welp, I better get moving. Carrie's eating and I gotta run over to my place to get some stuff, because I think Carrie and I are gonna stay at Mom's tonight. :) Bye!
Sunday, September 19, 1999 - 7:06 AM
Bleh, I can't sleep. I'm at my mom's again.. I stayed here last night, but I haven't gotten any sleep. I've had so much on my mind. I was talking to Jon and apropos and peasie last night.. Which was pretty cool. Got into an arguement with someone, which wasn't cool, and then got an interesting phone call. None of which I can or feel like elaborating about. Was on the phone for quite some time. When I finally got off the phone I noticed something that I didn't know how to react to. I know this isn't making any sense to anyone unless they know what I'm talking about, but I really didn't know how to react. I just don't want to deal with it I guess, so I'm seperating myself from it. I'm almost past the whole online thing anyway. I like a lot of the people but I don't talk to many of them much anymore. One of them is now pissed at me, and the other... well.. I don't know what to say about that. On the bright side I enjoyed talking with Jon and I hope we can talk more in the future, because I miss the friendship we used to have. Bleh, I dunno. What a confusing night. So yeah, that's where I'm at. Confused. About everything. I don't know how I feel about anything almost anymore. I'm sure this is just temporary and I'll get over it/figure it out, but right now I just don't know. And I can't sleep. And Carrie basically slept all night so I could have gotten a good night's sleep for once, but no, I wasted it by staying up all night. And she'll be up soon so I don't even want to try to sleep anymore. Bleh. Doesn't that suck?
Sometimes my life just seems to turn out a mess, and then I look at Carrie and I realize that it's not so bad. But still, the rest of it is a mess. Just a mess. Bleh.
Saturday, September 25, 1999 - 4:18 PM
I really wish I could write more often, but it's more and more difficult. Life is odd. I'm over at Mom's for the weekend because both her and Shawn are out of town. So I gotta let the dogs out and what not. The wind is really strong today. I went to the store and it was like, blowing me around. Life has been stressful. Especially IRC.. I Don't know what to say about all of that.. I feel like I'm losing my mind.. And it's not just IRC, it's everything. Somehow I'll make it past all of this, somehow I'll regain faith in myself. Somehow.. Right? It has to work. Heh, I dunno. I can't really discuss it all on here. Someone wants me to try to write a diary where I can write anything, and anymore I feel like I can't. Too many people read this.. I guess that's the problem.
What else is going on? Just classes. School, dealing with Carrie, and trying to get a decent night's sleep at night.. Which isn't working either. I feel so lost. Past memories come back to me, and I don't know what to make of them. Thoughts enter my mind that I don't understand. I'm lost.. I don't know how i feel about anything almost. Heh, if I asked my Mom she'd probably just say it's close to winter time so I'm depressed again, and maybe I should take prozac again. I wish she could understand my dislike of medication. I can fight this on my own. I want to be able to do that, because if i have to take something else, I don't feel like I'm strong enough. I want to be strong enough. Somehow...
Tuesday, September 28, 1999 - 4:58 AM
Ahh, my mom is probably going to kill me when she sees that I'm writing at this time. Actually, no, she'll probably kill me when she finds out I'm still awake. Blah. I can't sleep. I've been trying for a couple of hours. I have this problem a lot. I have this bad tendancy to start thinking, a lot, as soon as I lay down to go to sleep. And then, well, I can't sleep. Argh, isn't that annoying? I thought so. :) So anywayS *grin* since I can't sleep, I figured I might as well go back to doing research on my paper for Sociology, and study for my comp test. *Shrug* And while I'm printing out all of this stuff, I figured, what the hell, might as well write. So, I decided to sit here, and write about absolutely nothing, for you're boredom. Aren't you thrilled? Blah :)
I've been on IRC much more often lately, which kind of sucks. I mean, I wanted to avoid it, but it seems like I'm there much too much right now. But oh well, I guess that's life, right? I do enjoy certain aspects of it, so yeah. :)
Carrie is doing well. Mom and I went out to get food last night after I got done with class. Brett was there along with this girl, I know I know her, but I can't think of her name. I don't think we got along though, *Shrug*, but she was being nice. Go figure. Anyway, Brett got to see Carrie and he of course thought she was adorable, and we talked and joked about stuff. It was fun, I guess. Mom and I went grocery shopping after that. Blah blah, nothing too interesting. Came home, and started doing research for my Soc class, and what not. As I'm doing now. I'm finding *much* too much stuff. My report will be a book by the time I'm done, help! And I'm still not sure I'm finding all of the information I need. I already had to refill my printer. Ick. I'm glad I decided to start working on this paper already, because I think it's gonna be a lot of work. Hum.. I dunno. That's just life though, right? :)
I've been much happier the last couple of days, which is good. My mom, on the other hand doesn't agree. I didnt' want to get up yesterday, I was so tired. Decided not to go to class. Mom got mad at me and decided I need to do something about my "problem", which is depression, such as taking medication, just as I knew she would. I really wish I could get her to understand, but I can't. I guess I'll just have to accept that, just as she'll have to accept my decision. I dunno. I mean, I'm really okay. Sometimes people help me see things in a different light, and suddenly I'm more cheerful. Guess that's what happened.
School is going fine, though boring at times. I dunno. Comp class is too easy, so I don't pay attention enough. Oh well though. And soc, well, that class drives me nuts. I feel like I'm falling asleep through it. I know it would be an interesting class if it weren't for.. Well that isn't nice, so I won't say it, since I don't know who might read this. :)
Jason Brandle called me the other night.. (erm, hi Jason if you're reading this.. erp..) which was odd. He was asking me if he could move in with me, along with all of this other shit. I told him no, he begged. Heh, I still told him no, told him I'd call him back, but I didn't. There was a message on my answering machine yesterday from him while I was in class. I didn't get a chance to call him, I dunno what's up with that. He won't take no for an answer, and well, that's the only answer I have for him. So I dunno. I guess I'll talk to him when I talk to him. Odd stuff.
Life is odd sometimes, you know? *Smiles* But as I said, I am much more happy, which rocks. Kristen's gonna baby-sit for me tomorrow while I'm in class. That should be neat, I haven't seen her in awhile. Shawna didn't go out of town this week after all like she was supposed to so she could have baby-sat, but well, I'm gonna have Kristen do it anyway, because she already agreed to it. And it'll be nice to see her. Besides, she'll give me a ride to class!
It's been snowing. Already. Ack, too cold.. Much too cold. Heh, it snowed yesterday while I was in class, before and after class. Scary stuff. I wish it was still warmer, even though I complained that it was too warm this summer. I swear, Montana does have four seasons--The seasons go from Winter to Summer to Winter to Winter to Winter to Summer to Winter.. etc.. you get the idea. Blah. :) Montana weather is so unpredictable. :)
Welp, I should quit rambling on about nothing, because well, this is getting stupid. And I gotta print some more stuff, and maybe try to sleep again. Bye! :)
Tuesday, September 28, 1999 - 5:35 PM
Okay, I just have to write again, because I'm in the most excellent mood. :) I saw Chris Baker today! :) I don't know what it is about that guy that puts me in the best moods, but he always does. I just adore him so much. He's such a great friend. I've missed him like crazy. *grin* I ran into him at school this morning when I went to go to the financial aid office. He sorta tracked me down and gave me a big hug and said he'd call me at 1.. WHICH HE DIDN'T. Instead he called me at like 3:20 when Kristen had gotten here to baby-sit, and I was trying to get ready for class. So I talked to him for a few minutes, only to discover that his aunt was in my class, and is also the same person who gives me rides home. Weird, huh? So after class, after I got a ride home from his aunt, I called him again and we talked awhile. I just adore him so much. I wish I could find a way to explain it, but I really can't. He *always* puts me in the best mood. Didn't I already say that? *laugh* I took my test in comp class today, and I believe I did alright, so that's cool, but I'm still in the most awesome mood and it has nothing to do with the test. *laugh* I sound like some giddy girl in middle school. *grin* Naw, he's really just one of my best friends, someone who understands me better than anyone. I couldn't describe it well enough if I tried. But anyway, enough rambling. :D
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