Tuesday, November 2, 1999 - 11:24 PM
So much has been going on but I don't really have a lot of time to write, because I need to get to sleep. On the 27th of October, Jenny had her baby. A baby girl, named Kylie (sp?). So that rocks, though I haven't seen her yet. Last Friday, the 29th of October, Rich (humble) came in town. Aaron (seekay) came over to keep me company and then he went to go pick up Rich from his motel room. Or something. It was an interesting weekend I suppose. Aaron and Rich and I hung out with James (ridlo) for a bit, and just sorta hung out. I dunno. I'm not quite sure what to say about the weekend. Rich left town yesterday morning. So that's that. Jon (Jon2) is coming in town this weekend, on Friday. So that should be another interesting experience. ;) Rich and Aaron went to the store while Rich was in town and bought like.. 12 24 packs of mountain dew and stacked them on my doorstep, so I have like, a ton of mountain dew. Eek. Anyway, I slacked on my soc paper all weekend, due to my company, so I spent all of today working on it here at my Mom's. I am *finally* done, and I need to go home and go to sleep, so I can get up at like 8 am when the repair guy is supposed to show up. *yawns* I'm so tired. Byebye.
Thursday, November 11, 1999 - 5:31 PM
Well, where do I even start?
Last week after Rich left was okay. I hung out with James and Aaron a bit, and then on Friday night, Jon got in. His plane was delayed out of Great Falls twice, so he was rather late getting in. Friday night (the 5th) he came in, and him, James, and Aaron and I just basically sat around. Then James and Aaron left, and Jon stayed awhile longer, and then he left too. I had a lot of fun while Jon was in town. It was a great weekend. Saturday he came over and then him and I came over here to Mom's. I can't even remember what all we did. *thinks* Basically hung around, and stuff, Carrie got sick. Which sucked. She was sick all weekend. :( Sunday, Jon and I went to the walking mall so I could show him around there. We walked around, saw Pat Woofter. We drove around Helena a bit, and I showed him some places. We went and got food.. Yada yada. I dunno. We had a good time. :) Ran to his motel to get his laptop, and hung out at my place for awhile. ;) Got on IRC a bit, and just basically talked. He's a very sweet guy who understands me, and I believe I understand him as well. Mom kept Carrie Sunday night, and Monday we went over to Mom's to retrieve her.
I really can't figure out it was we did. For some reason I can't totally recall, but all in all I had a great weekend. Jon's a really neat guy, he's really nice, and we had fun hanging out. At least I did. :) 'Cept he bought Carrie a teletubbie which is mean ;) But she likes it. Oh well. ;)
He left Tuesday morning, and since then I've just been dealing with class. Oh, and him and Mom baby-sat for me on Monday while I was in class, and Mom left Jon here with Carrie for an hour.. And he survived it just fine. ;) I know he thinks Carrie is as adorable as I know she is. *Grin* Everyone does. :)
James and Aaron have been coming over since then. It's been fun. Mom took away the laptop from me last week sometime though so I no longer have internet access from at home, which is why this has not been updated. And I haven't even been able to check my mail. Which sucks, but I'll survive it. Jon bought me this book, The Diaries of Anne Frank.. and I love it. I started reading it last night and I'm about half way done with it. I love reading. :)
What else? Carrie's getting better and isn't so sick now, so that's good. I felt so bad for her. She's taking a nap now. The school figured out what I need to do about making up my English class, so they gave me a packet today with an essay I have to write.. a persuasive essay using the APA referencing.. So that shouldn't be too bad, but sucks at the same time. Oh well, must get it done, along with my paper for Psych. I'm running out of time.
Oh! I got my soc paper back!@! I got a 92! I'm so happy :))) *Beams* THank you Mom for your help! Hehe :)
Anyway, sorry but I can't think of much else to write about right now. :))) Jon, you rock. :))
Wednesday, November 17, 1999 - 3:42 PM
Okay, today is already not a good day. Oh well though. I'm over at Mom's, obviously, since I don't have a computer at home. What have I been up to since I last wrote?
Friday night James and I went out and got something to eat and then went and saw American Beauty. It's an awesome movie, and I laughed my ass off. :) We had fun. And then a lot of nights since then James and Aaron come over and hang out. Aaron bought Carrie a glow worm, which I think was really sweet of him. :) *Smiles* Carrie seems to like him a lot too. So that's cool. :)
School has been fine. Kristen has been baby-sitting for me and that's working out fine too. Except today she's home with Dakota 'cause he's sick. So I dunno what I'm going to do. Class is in 15 minutes, and I'm stuck, basically. We have a test today too. But I can't do much about that.
Last night Jennifer came over, and then Aaron did, and then James. It was good to see Jennifer, since we haven't hung out much in awhile, and we played some games of cards and stuff. We had fun. :)
Jon is gonna come visit again, on the weekend of December 10th. Mom doesn't know that yet, but I'll inform her as soon as I talk to her. She's out of town at the moment. I also agreed to visit California, so that'll be interesting, though it won't be until Spring Break, since I'm busy with school. I'll be meeting Jason (shdw) in December, over New Years.
This meeting people stuff is so strange. I've been so freaked out about meeting anyone for so long. I'm honestly really freaked out that they'll hate me and think I'm dumb and ugly, and I know it's irrational, which makes it worse. I dunno. I survived meeting Rich, and I survived meeting Jon, and I'm gonna see him again, and so meeting Jason shouldn't be that big of a deal, but it is. I'm even gonna be nervous all over again about seeing Jon, and hell, I just saw him last weekend. Ahh, such is life though, I guess.
Someday I'll overcome all of my fears, and maybe I'll be able to live a normal life. ;) Or not. We'll see!
Sunday, November 21, 1999 - 5:07 PM
Wow, my life seems turned upside down at the moment.
Where do I start??
Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday I just hung out with James and Aaron off and on. It was pretty cool, didn't do anything too exciting. Saturday night.. well.
I was hanging out with a couple of friends.
Anyway, Mom had Carrie for the night, and Carrie ended up getting sick. She's got a cold. Which sucks. So I had to come over here.
I'm not very cheerful, can you tell? I've been so stressed out anymore. Mom seems to think she knows everything that's right and wrong, and that my idea's are completely off. What can I do? I feel like I can never live up to the person she wants me to be. I'm not perfect, hell, far from it..
Enough for now.
Sunday, November 21, 1999 - 9:19 PM
What a shitty day. Could things go from bad to worse? Yes, they can.
A 'friend' turned around today and did something so mean and cruel. I suppose my mother will be reading this. I'm sorry, but I'm so angry right now. And hurt. I can't believe he did this, if he only knew what he did. Heh, everything's so messed up now. I wish I'd never gotten on IRC, I wish I'd never known him. Maybe I don't mean that, I don't know, but right now I mean it. I'm just so hurt. Ugh.
Monday, November 22, 1999 - 11:58 PM
Today has been a long day, you could say. Carrie kept me up quite a bit last night with her illness. Today I talked to the doctors office and I am now giving her medicine, so hopefully she'll be feeling better soon. I had class today, and I found out all the stuff I missed. I have to make up a test tomorrow for micros I guess.. Soc was pretty boring. I dunno, but I heard a rumor, or maybe it's true. I knew there was a wreck on Montana Ave. the other night, someone said someone went crazy and drove 80 mph and wrecked into two cars.. Well someone told me today that it was this guy Curtis, who I usually sit by in sociology class. I knew he was upset last week, I knew something was wrong.. Was gonna call him Monday night to make sure he was okay, but I didn't.. and I guess he's not okay. He's in jail, heh, waiting for trial. If it was really him. I'm having some people check it out for me. But he wasn't in class tonight, and Sunny hasn't seen him in class for awhile, she said.
After class, I paged James, and he called me, and then he came over. I fed Carrie while waiting for him to show up, and then after he got here, him and I ran over to my place to get some diapers, the walker, and my psych stuff, and then we ran to McDonalds to get food for him, me, and my mother. Then we came back here, and attempted to work on my psych paper from last semester. We got some work on it done with my mom's help, so that's good. After awhile, James ran me over to my place so I could pick up some more Mountain Dew, and the WIC stuff I need for tomorrow, and I grabbed some clothes for me and Carrie. I really just want to go home. *Sigh*
Lynn called me tonight and apparently I'll have a therapy appointment at 9:45 AM, which sucks, and then a WIC appointment, though Mom might just take care of that for me. And then I have to be at class at like 3:00 PM to make up my test, and to talk to Myrna about setting a time for my Psych test. Then I get to go to class, and thankfully then I'm done with class for the week.
But I still just really wanna go home. *Sigh*
James might come over tomorrow evening if I have any time left during my day, and help me work on my computer, and teach me a few things. So that'd be cool. He also asked what I'm up to Friday night, and I guess if my mom will baby-sit and if there's anything cool to do, a cool movie or something, we might go do something. I guess it all depends and we'll see. James has been great to me and is helping me out a lot.
Unlike some people I know. *Sigh*
Anyway, enough mindless rambling about shit none of you care about anyhow. I should be getting to bed, because knowing my luck Carrie will have me up off and on all night. I love her, but I'm so tired.
Tuesday, November 23, 1999 - 9:34 AM
I'm tired. :(
Mom had one heck of a time getting me up this morning, heh. We had a slight argument, my brother started getting into my business, which I would prefer he just didn't comment on. Bleh. Oh well, huh? Lynn's coming to get me in like half an hour so I can go to my therapy appointment. Fun stuff, huh? I guess she wants to go for coffee or something. Too bad I don't like coffee. She owes me a steak dinner sometime though. Woo. ;) Anyway, I just got done feeding Carrie, and Mom and I attempted to give her her medicine, her vitamins and tylenol. She is not thrilled with this. Then she got her bottle, so now she's happier. She's still not feeling very well, unfortunately. I guess Mom is gonna take her to WIC since I don't know if I'll be back in time. I'm so tired, I just wanna sleep.
After I wrote yesterday, I was thinking about the day, and I realized I forgot something when writing about it. I had to go to Kmart to get Carrie's medicine, and James left work to come get me and give me a ride. Isn't that sweet? :) Hehe, other than that, not much to write. I'm still worried about Curtis, and wondering what's going on with that. I hope he's okay, and I hope it wasn't him. Guess I'll find out soon enough. Welp, I'll write more later I suppose. Bye.
Tuesday, November 23, 1999 - 6:45 PM
Ahh, I'm stressed. Today was a long day. I went with Lynn, then went to WIC with my Mom and Carrie. After that we came back here, then Mom and I sorta got into it. *Sigh* Then I called for a cab, and went to school an hour early to take my micros class, which, my teacher hadn't dropped off at the Learning Center, so then at the beginning of class, I took my test, and then did the assignment for the vacation, and am completely done with that. Whew.
So now here I sit, talking to Jason D. on the phone and watching Carrie throw things, and trying not to think about something or other. Oh well.
It was Curtis who caused that wreck. But that's that. More later.
Tuesday, November 23, 1999 - 11:37 PM
Wow, third entry today. That's amazing for me. I guess that's what happens when I stay at my mom's and am finally able to access a computer, huh? Anyway, today has been a stressful day. Mom and I had some more talks, which basically sucked, and it ended up with me trying to talk to her and her not wanting to. Or something. I dunno. We ordered a pizza, before that I fed Carrie, and gave her her medicine, which she hated me for, I'm sure. She seems to be feeling better (keep your fingers crossed). Talked to Jason D. today as I said, which kind of sucked, it wasn't a happy conversation. And I talked to Jon, which was fine, and his friend Sarah got on the phone for a couple of minutes, and she and I made fun of him. Which was cool. :)
I didn't see James at all today, which is like, amazing. I must have seen him and Aaron every day, until Saturday, when I last saw Aaron, and then I continued seeing James every day. Are you shocked? :) I should be seeing him soon though I'm sure.. As I said before, we might go see a movie on Friday. So that'll be cool.
I talked to Chris Baker's aunt, who gives me a ride home, Terry. She told me that it was her friends brother who caused the wreck on Montana. I asked her what his name was, and she said Curtis. So the rumor is true. I still feel horrible about that, and I hope he's alright, even though I know he's not. I was looking through some stuff we were writing back and forth in class a few days.. It's weird.. But no point in dwelling over that, huh?
It was pretty cool to be in class today. I had fun picking on Bill and Trevor as usual, and talking with Dot and others. I kinda enjoy going to class, even though it's so boring. I don't have class again until Monday though, which is fine by me.
Someone, from IRC.. hrm.. What can I say about this? I should be able to say anything on here, but as we all know, I can't. And in this case I don't really want to. I want to write something, but I don't want to write who it's about, though I'm sure most people know. I'm just sad, that's all. And I wish things were different. I wish things hadn't happened as they did.. *Sigh* I'm making no sense, and I can't seem to bring myself to write what I want to write, in fear that he, or someone else will read it. So, maybe I should just shut up. I just have a lot on my mind.. And I feel pretty damn alone these days. I know people are here for me, but at the same time.. it doesn't feel like it. A couple of people keep me cheerful, smiling and laughing. And that helps so much. And I'm starting entirely too many sentences with 'And'. *Sigh* :)
Wednesday, November 24, 1999 - 4:54 PM
Mom and I had a discussion about my webpage today. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it. Maybe I should just discontinue it, or maybe just this part. I dunno. Something sent my head spinning today, but unfortunately, I'm not at liberty to divulge that information. Oh well, huh? Life is so odd.
Carrie's taking a nap, she looks so peaceful. She's my entire world, and I'm so lucky to have her in my life. She is getting better, I'm sure of it. She was playing for awhile today, running around in her walker. She's so completely adorable. I love her with all of my heart. She's so sweet and innocent. I'm so glad she doesn't have yet to deal with the world as it is. Someday she'll have to, and I'll do my best to help her through all the hard times, as best as I can. I'm sure that's all my mother wanted for me as well. *Sigh* And I know she tries. I wish we weren't fighting, though today she was there for me again, as always. She's a great mother, and I feel like shit about how I treat her at times. Much too often. I just can't help feeling as I feel, I don't mean to. *Sigh*
I wish I could accurately show her how much I love her and care about her, and how much I appreciate everything she's done for me in my life. I know she knows it, somewhere deep inside, but I know sometimes she doubts it too. But I do, and I wish she'd always know that.
Someday I'll become the person that I want to be. Someday I'll overcome everything. But for now, I can just do my best. Heh, that's a line I know well.. "I just do my best."
I'm sure you'll read this, Mom. I love you. I really do.
But.. Back to Carrie.. I'm glad she's feeling better. I love to see her smile and laugh.
*Sigh* my thoughts are all mixed up.. Enough writing for now.
Thursday, November 25, 1999 - 11:00 AM
Happy Thanksgiving
Well, I can't really write at the moment, I'm running behind this morning, and must feed Carrie breakfast, but in a little bit, I'll write more..
Great, now my Mom is all pissed off at me again. Go figure. What's new. I just got done feeding Carrie breakfast, and giving her medicine to her. She's sounding a little worse today than yesterday, but hopefully she'll still be over it soon. She's not nearly as sick as she was a few days ago. I, on the other hand, am getting more and more sick. Maybe I'm giving her my cold, which is why she's not getting better as fast as she was. I dunno.
It's Thanksgiving, and yet, no one is happy. Mom and I were discussing cleaning/cooking/baking, and well, the conversation ended up badly, and now she's all unhappy. I swear, I can't do anything right. I hate it. I hate it here. I would have been here for Thanksgiving anyway, but I think things would have been happier. Ugh, I dunno. It's confusing.
Shawn has decided to have it set up so I get disconnected at like 12:30 or 1:00 every night, I guess. So if I disappear midconversation (any of you) don't get pissed off at me. It isn't my fault. Blah.
Great, now Mom just left the room again to go hide in the basement. UGH, I HATE THIS. :(
Thursday, November 25, 1999 - 7:49 PM
Wow, I think I ate too much! Go figure, most people do today. :)
I'm also tired of being sick, this cold is annoying. Oh well. Dinner consisted of Shawn, Ric, Mom, and Carrie and I. Carrie made a mess with her mashed potaotes. It was cute as hell.
Friday, November 26, 1999 - 3:48 PM
Being at my mom's gives me lots of opportunities to update my webpage. I think a little too many. Such is life, huh?
I finished my Psych paper finally, and I will turn those in as soon as I can. Which means, Mom will baby-sit for me tonight, so James and I can go see a movie. I dunno what we're going to see yet. I'm so indecisive, I kinda told him it's up to him, more or less. Usually works out that way.
Carrie's back on the pedialyte, due to diarrhea again. I'm sure you all wanted to know that, right? Ew, but anyway. Her cold seems to be going away, even though she still coughs a bit. She's really playful though, and happy. So that's good.
Ric is in town, didn't I already say that? So Carrie's getting a chance to visit with her Uncle Ric, which doesn't happen all that often. She was watching movies with Uncle Shawn, Uncle Ric, and Julius last night, and a bit of a movie today with Uncle Ric, Uncle Shawn, and me. She doesn't get to watch TV very often, but it keeps her entertained for awhile.
Her favorite thing these days seems to be her walker, especially over here at Grandmom's house. She has lots of room to run around in it, and she chases Ebbie, though Ebbie hates it. It's great. She'll be running around banging spoons and pots and pans and other toys. She's so happy.
What else is going on? Not much, really. Nothing too interesting to write about. I still have to write an English essay, a persuasive one.. I have to research for it. Yuck. And I have to take my Psych final. By December 13th. Yay. Yuck. Anyway...
Friday, November 26, 1999 - 9:52 PM
Hi! I just got home a short while ago.. James and I went to the mall, and then to get food, and then to see Sleepy Hollow. We got a bit mixed up for a minute or so and ended up at the walking mall where there were like 98237493287 people. More people than I thought we had in Helena. No idea what they were doing there, except standing and walking around, and then someone started talking on a microphone or something. It was odd. And there were quite a few dogs there, and all of the dogs were wearing Christmas lights. Interesting, huh? Some girl said, "Hi Paige." And I said hi back, and kept walking, but not a clue who the hell it was. Then we went to the movie, which had a line, but all was well. Right after the movie started, James' pager went off, and then again, so he went to go call his friend, and got us something to drink, hehe. The movie was interesting. :) Watch out for the headless horseman, or uhm.. the headful horseman? (Don't ask.. long story) :) Now I'm back at Mom's again, and Carrie just had some pumpkin pie and is hopefully going to sleep now. :)
Saturday, November 27, 1999 - 9:00 AM
*yawn* I wish I could sleep in still. Carrie woke me up like an hour ago. It's much much much too early. I woke up, had a cigarette, gave Carrie her breakfast, and now she's finishing a bottle. Fun stuff, huh? Nothing to write about really just felt like writing for the hell of it. :D
Sunday, November 28, 1999 - 11:56 AM
Yesterday was a long day. That's for sure. Didn't do much during the day.. Talked on IRC a bit, etc. Mom and I got into an argument shortly after I put Carrie to bed.. Which woke Carrie up. Then Mom, Carrie, and I went to Kmart to get a new baby monitor, and I got her a Christmas present as well. And some other stuff. Then we came back. Put Carrie back to bed. IRC'd some more. Got in a few stupid arguments, had matryx spend the majority of the night trying to insult me, which results in him telling me he's gonna the log of our conversation up on the internet.. Etc. It was interesting. Talked to Shdw for awhile, adn went to sleep. Now it's morning. Got up, fed Carrie, etc. That's it. Fun huh?
Monday, November 29, 1999 - 12:59 PM
Welp, I don't know what's going on now, but I no longer am able to IRC or really have an internet account. Go figure. *Sigh*
But, worse things could happen. It's just IRC, right? I'm sitting here talking to Jon, who is trying to figure out why girls like assholes.. I think he thinks I want assholes. :) Go figure. But he's asking people on IRC who are telling him stuff, which he's telling me. It's interesting. Jon's a sweet guy, and he needs to realize that's a *good* thing, even if girls are stupid (even me). :) Such is life, huh?
*Psst* Jon, no finding girls and cheating on them, sheesh!@
That's not the way to get a girl. ;) *Laugh* Anyway... I'm sure people are wondering what the fuck I'm writing. I'm sorta rambling about nothing, I suppose. Carrie's up and playing in her playpen. Gotta go to class today, Mom's gonna baby-sit. Yay. Class is so boring, but oh well. We're learning Excel.. *Gag* :) Uhm.. This is pointless. Bye :)
Monday, November 29, 1999 - 11:47 PM
Welp, I'm about to get to bed. But wanted to write really quickly first. Class was fine, tonight. Went to micros, was boring, chatted online for a few from there. Went to soc, and basically spaced out through that class, as usual. Afterclass my teacher asked me about Curtis and Damian.. I think she thinks I'm better friends with them than I really am. I'm wondering about them myself though, since yet again, Damian didn't show up for class, and hell, I don't know if Curtis is still in jail, or if he's gone to trial, or what's going on with him. It sucks. But life goes on, right?
I had an interesting phone call today that I didn't expect to recieve. It really surprised me.. and while in some ways it was good, at the same time it hurt like hell. Go figure. I don't know what to say about that. My feelings are so confusing, I swear. I also talked to Jason D., James, Jon, and Rich. I think I need to have a little talk with Rich.
Mom has decided to stay in town for the week, so at least I'll have a baby-sitter and a ride for my appointment on Thursday. Mom will be out of town next week. I'm hoping I'll be able to go home soon. I guess we'll see. Jon will be in town soon, weekend of the 10th, so that's neat. Um.. What else? Carrie's asleep, Mom's going to sleep, and I'm tired. So I think I'll head to bed now. Night!
Tuesday, November 30, 1999 - 2:41 PM
I'm just sitting around doing nothing, really. Carrie's taking a nap, we played awhile earlier, and listened to music together. It was fun. I talked to Jason D. for a little while, but he was tired so he went to sleep. Talked to Mom.. Nothing too interesting. Talked to Jenny for awhile who filled me in on the latest gossip of Helena, and also talked about some beanie baby or some shit.. Yay. ;) Jenny's baby shower for Kalee is this weekend, so I'll attend that. We were dicussing the possibility of me staying at her house on Friday night before hand. Who knows, we'll see. Nothing all that interesting to write about. My computer is a piece of shit, nothing works right anymore. I hate it. :( Such is life, huh? Today is Chris' and Staci's first wedding anniversary. Hope all goes well for them in the next year. :)
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