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According to my mom...

Record 154 Name: Paige's Mom Website: My home page is Paige Referred by: Just Surfed On In! From: Paige's house Time: 1997-10-19 00:11:00 Comments: Paige is not allowed to bake cookies in my kitchen! But she is available for marriage immediately. Conditions: 1. A brand new small 4-wheel drive pick up for me. 2. You must remove Paige from Montana. 3. You must pay all Paige's expenses including any fines. 4. You must give her $1 daily spending money for Mountain Dew. 5. You will teach her to drive, provide her with a vehicle and insurance. Lots of insurance. 6. You must agree to buy her *real* food (from McDonald's) daily. I will accept any and all reasonable offers. Even duplicates. E-mail me with your offer and may the best cyberpunk win. Mom

Finally, an update.

Subject: Re: marriage demands for Paige From: Carol Mandera Date: 6/26/2004 10:22 PM To: John Okay, I know, it took me a long time to get back to you. Problem is, I haven't been able to come up with what the current demands are. 1. I have a small 4-wheel drive vehicle now. But it is old. And it isn't a truck. Hmmmmm...okay, yeah, I could use a new one. But I've changed my mind. Now I want an SUV rather than a truck. 2. You must NOT remove Paige from Montana. Not unless you also remove ME from Montana. Where Paige and Carrie go, I go, too. The good news is that I can move my job to any state, so you won't have to support me, too. 3. Remains the same, except that all of her fines from the past have been paid already. I will accept a sum to be determined later as a dowry of sorts in reimbursement for all that I've paid to date. You would have to handle fines she might ever get in the future. 4. One dollar a day won't do it. You must either be willing to fork out $4-5 per day or find a 10-step program for Mountain Dew addition and support her through that. 5. She knows how to drive and she has a car. Insurance is still an issue. You'd have to cover that. 6. The good news--Paige has outgrown McDonald's. The bad news, real food costs more. As an alternative to taking her out to eat on a daily basis, you could do the cooking. Or send her to cooking school. 7. You'll need to build a garage for Carrie. She has more vehicles than her mom. 8. You must agree to hire a cleaning service. Trust me. One for the car would be a good plan, too. 9. You must be nice and have a damned good sense of humor. You'll need it. 10. You must have patience, lots of patience, with Carrie because she's a very strong-willed little girl with a spirt that should be guided rather than broken. It won't be easy...ever. I promise! So...still interested? If so, let's talk.

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