Broken.
I'm falling apart.
Filled
with pain.
Pain from the betrayal.
I thought it was real.
So right.
So
blind.
Why couldn't I see it?
Hate.
Deep within my soul.
Fire,
burning, hate.
I hate myself.
Such a fool.
Why did I listen?
To
every lie?
Did I really believe it?
Or did I want to so much...
That
I lied to myself.
Lies.
So many.
My life is based on a lie.
That's
all it ever was.
He told me he loved me.
Love.
Is it real?
It
wasn't with him.
Could it be with another?
I don't deserve love.
Wrong.
I
was so wrong.
I was so stupid.
So blind.
Such a fool.
Pain.
I
feel it deep inside.
It overcomes my life.
I can remember the hate.
It
was in his eyes...
When he yelled.
When he told me I was stupid.
He'd
be drunk.
Drunk.
Always drunk.
Always mad.
So mad.
Was he
mad at me?
He'd scream.
Yell.
Tell me I was worthless.
I
believed it.
I believed him.
Is he right?
Am I worthless?
Sorry...
So
sorry..
He'd always be so sorry.
And I'd forgive him.
Happy.
Such
a false feeling of happiness.
Until he'd come home.
Mad.
Drunk.
The
lies. The hate. The pain.
The betrayal. The illusions...
Broken -- my
world is broken.
by Paige Lynn Mandera - 5/28/98