Rants

Tuesday, 12/7/99
Funny thing is, I don't have anything particular I feel like ranting about, more like a bunch of little things that are all adding up. Basically, I'm just tired of life today. This week. This month. This year. This whole entire life. Blah.

I don't know what my problem is. I have this amazing little girl whom I adore and love so very much, who makes me smile and laugh, and brings light into my often dark and dismal world. She's so great. And yet, here I am 'ranting' anyway. Go figure.

It feels as if everything has been dumped on me all at once, and just when I start to think things cannot possibly get any worse, well, I'm proven that, yes, indeed, they can. It's to the point that I feel if I even think that, I'll just jinx myself and it'll become worse because of me thinking that. Sad, huh?

I'm stressed. Plain and simple.

I'm fighting with everyone, or so it seems. On IRC, off of IRC, whoever, wherever. It doesn't matter, we just argue. Mostly, I argue with my mother. Things are very tense. After that would come a few select people that I talk with from online. Not of course that our arguments are limited to being online, they of course, travel to the telephone as well. Hell, and with the fact that I've been meeting people, I suppose they'll end up in person as well. Such luck.

A lot of the fighting is my own fault, and I know it. I'm so bitter, and stressed, and tired, and agrivated. I just don't have *any* patience to spare, especially not on what seems so insignificant suddenly, though I know previously I cared a great deal more. And it's not that I don't care. It's just that I don't have the energy to care.

Can no one ever understand me?!

And then there's school. Ahh... Procrastination is not my friend. I've been fooling myself for a long time, by trying to convince myself that it was. Oh well. My mother was right. (God, I hate to admit such a thing.) Here I sit, with less than a week left of time before I must be completely finished with my assignments from last semester. Am I finished? Of course not. And what am I doing right now? Oh yeah, that's right, writing on here. I still have all this work, that's piling up, and I'm trying to finish it, but essentially all I'm succeeding in is losing my mind. If I had a mind to begin with. I'm not so sure anymore.

And of course, finals for my current classes are next week. And unfortunately for me, I don't even have a clue what we're discussing in those classes, due to the fact that I can't seem to find a baby-sitter *anywhere*. Any of you people feel like flying to Montana to rescue me? Heh..

So, yes. I'm testy, irritable, sarastic, rude. I'm being a complete bitch to everyone, just about. I just wish everyone would realize that I can only take so damn much. Help!

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last updated: 12/7/99